I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet