let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
