you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
