Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
