i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
