Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
