Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
