this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
