So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
