hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
