I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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