did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
