Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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