I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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