Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
