Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
