I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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