You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
