I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
