Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
