Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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