I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
