Your dad touched me again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
