My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
