Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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