So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
