He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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