sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
