Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
