turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
