found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
