I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
