OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
