Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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