I love black thongs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
