life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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