I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
