No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
