Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
