I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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