I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.