Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.