I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
bring money and cleavage
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek