New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.