all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it