I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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