Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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