i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
