And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
