what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize