Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
