I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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