So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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