D3 body, D1 cock
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize