he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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