He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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