College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
