Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
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Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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