i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
