Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got inside last night via doggy door
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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