Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
