I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
