hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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