Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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