Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
