You're my little dorito
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
