Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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